The Center for Negligent Parents

Today I got to call the Center For Negligent Parents Who Let Their Children Ingest Toxins, also known as Poison Control. This is not the first time I have had to call the center for negligent parents. Last summer Kinsley ate a BOTTLE of sun tan lotion. Her innards were well protected against UV rays for the next 24 hours. This happened about two days after I called the Negligent Parent Center because she drank the baby shampoo.

I leave the kitchen/dinning/living room area to pee. This isn’t the first time. I have had to pee other times since my kids were born and left them unattended for 2 minutes. Generally someone will come banging on the door to ask me what I’m doing (I. AM. IN. THE. BATHROOM.) but sometimes they just go about doing what they were.

In less than 120 seconds, Greyson had pushed the barstool from the dining room to the kitchen counter, climbed up, took the Childrens Motrin from the windowsill and removed the child proof cap*. Mmmm medicine is yummy, Greyson says. I am going to contact the manufacturer about that and request they make broccoli flavored Motrin.


As a side note, if you ever have to call the Negligent Parent Center, they don't treat you like a negligent parent. They don't ask you things like, "what were you doing while your kid was doing this? can't you keep an eye on them at all times? MY KIDS never did anything like that." It's all business...what did they take, when, how old are they, how much do they weigh? 

They then assure you that your child will live and that they should drink milk. Apparently milk absorbs all sorts of things, I'm thinking about pouring it on my credit card statement to see what it does to the balance. 

*Child proof? Apparently my children are wise beyond their years and we need to buy the medicine that has the "Gifted Child" cap on it. How is that for a marketing plan? Dear Parents, which do you prefer...the cap for average intelligent children or the one that is $4 more for "Gifted" children.