Friday, January 21, 2011

Hello Blog Readers

Welcome to my blog! I know I’ve missed the trendy part of blogging, it was so like 2005. Having 3 little kids it’s easy to get behind the times on what’s cool. Fortunately for me, I’m not trying to be trendy OR cool (that comes naturally) but to live out a couple of 2011 goals (AKA New Year Resolution) I have set for myself.

1. Start a Blog

This goal should be easily met by starting a blog. I don’t know why this is a goal in and of itself, but it was last year too and in December 2010 I was bummed that I hadn’t fulfilled it. It seems like a good idea. It’s something I can easily achieve. If all else fails, in December of this year I will be able to feel accomplished.

2. Pursue a career in what I really want to do.

Confession: when I was 4ish years old, I used to dance spastically to Cyndi Lauper in front of the giant picture window with the belief that Ed McMan was going to personally drive by, see my talents, come to the door and invite me to be a part of Star Search. This is kind of like that, I want to be a professional writer in some capacity, and I think I’m good at it. Hello internet, thank you for being my picture window. I am sane enough to realize that this is not going to lend itself to a lucrative career, but it IS a good way to keep doing something I love…and maybe…

3. Sanity

Flash back four years. Happily married, twenty-something, MBA graduate and making huge strides in my career. Ask me where I would be at the beginning of 2011? Easy, living in a nice house (highly organized, stylishly decorated, and smells like fresh baked sugar cookies at all times), three healthy, happy children and both of us highly successful and satisfied in our careers.

Did you snort with laughter? Back in 2007 you probably wouldn't have. Because I was THAT motivated.

Fortunately, the best laid plans invite diversion.

Enter three children within three years, a down-turned economy that eliminated my position and you will find us at the present-day. Like I said, the happy healthy kids, happily married, MBA Grad still remains true. Bo (husband) is pretty outstanding. And they can't revoke your MBA even if your payments are on deferment, so that stays with me too.

My house is more chaotic than organized, you will likely step on a choo-choo train, teething ring or fuzzy blanket every two feet. If you can call crates of toys, books, and stacks of diapers stylish than we are IT. And as far as the smell...I wouldn't call it sugar cookie scent, it is more of a mixture of baby poo, diaper cream, and mac-n-cheese. And you know what? It IS fantastic. But…

It also can be exhausting! Overwhelming! And the best way I find to cope with the moments that I believe there MUST be hidden camera’s because this can not be actually happening are to joke and laugh.

I have got to find a more productive outlet than Facebook. They only let me put so many words in the little status update box. Plus, I think that people are going to think that I am a bit of a freak if I update my status every 15 minutes because I have something else to say. There is always my mom, who Bo (husband) noted I speak with hourly, but in the event that she isn’t available there has to be a way to say the things that I want to say. I need some sort of sanity outlet and a way to keep my verbal skills sharp. When words like poo, potty, bubba and time out become the building blocks to your conversational skills you are in trouble, consider it a red flag that your brain is about to be snatched by Swiper.*

4. Remember the Funnies

Oh my kids. Reading this blog you are going to hear a LOT about my kids. They are my world, I love them with such strength and passion it overwhelms me. I also have visions of feeding them to the dogs on certain occasions. ** All kids are funny, but my kids are REALLY funny (no bias here.) They are little people who have been packed with full-size amounts of sarcasm, wit, and silliness. Every single day they do or say something that leaves me speechless. I am smart enough to realize that these moments are not going to be here forever, and already I have forgot so much. I worked so hard to grow them, I want to remember as much as I can, I don’t want it to just float by.

Other bonuses: First, Ammunition. Yeah listen up kiddo’s, you want to come in 15 minutes after curfew—well then I am going to tell your friends about the time that you a hair tie over your eye and talked like a pirate for an entire day, so there. Second, when they want to blame me for being a terrible mother, screwing up their lives, or future spouses wonder how they got that way, it will be so much easier to go back and see (…ahhh there it is…November 2012 is where it all went wrong, your Mom told you that you could not wear your fireman jacket and boots in the swimming pool, it’s all so clear now. )

5. For Your Benefit

I would like to consider myself a thoughtful person. I would like to enter into evidence this blog. Yes, it is for you. I’m a self-proclaimed funny person. If that isn’t enough, I HAVE been TOLD that I am funny. Okay so generally these people are related to me so their sense of humor shares a genetically similar composition as mine, but no, there has been other people too! My most recent claim to fame was a posting on craigslist for an ugly orange chair that resulted in total strangers sending me emails to tell me that they thought I was hilarious and found great joy (actual words!) in reading it.

You don’t think I’m funny? Well then you can just march your sassy pants right to time-out and think things over.

*Swiper. If you are already lost we may have problems. Being a parent is definetly it’s own subculture, including a unique language. I’ll do my best to remember to translate, but it is so ordinary to me there may be times I simply forget. Swiper, the fox on the kid’s TV show Dora, swipes things (hence the name) unless you tell him three times, Swiper no swiping. Personally I think that Dora should take a lesson from the Super Nanny and get Swiper to listen the FIRST time.

**Put down the phone. I repeat, PUT. DOWN. THE. PHONE. You do not need to call Child Protective Services or any animal rights organizations. I am not really going to feed my kids to the dogs. In fact, I can GARAUNTEE, that never in my life will there will be the slightest justification to contact either organization unless you want to make a charitable donation on my behalf (aww, that would be lovely.) Duh, right? Well its crazy times, I just thought it should be said. If you don’t think that type of joking is appropriate, we might as well just break up now. I can’t be second guessing everything I say with the haunting that someone, somewhere, is going to take it the wrong way and be offended.