Friday, February 4, 2011

Things You May Say...I Do Anyway...

Dear Sparrow Hospital,

I think the following list would be useful to include in your baby/mother paperwork.

Things you may find yourself saying:

  • Do not play in the dog’s water bowl. It belongs to the dogs and they don’t want to share.
  • It’s nap time. Stay IN YOUR BED…unless there is a fire. If there is a fire you can get out. 
  • Do not put hotwheels on the baby’s head, he's sleeping, he can't play when he is sleeping.
  • Do I need to call Santa? I have his phone number.
  • We can’t borrow all of the books at the library, we need to share with other people. Pick 3.
  • Put the hair gel down, your hair looks lovely already.
  • Your hair looks lovely, please put the hair gel down now.
  • It is time to be quiet. The hippo needs to take a nap.
  • The beach is closed today, there is snow.
  • The doggies don’t like hugs, they just like high-fives.
  • That is so nice to give the baby a book, but please give him a soft little book (as opposed to the large/hard ones that you keep bonking him in the head with)
  • I don't think that Arlo needs a pretzel, he doesn't have any teeth yet. 
  • The blinds are not for playing hide and seek in, go hide in the closet.
  • You can only have one tattoo today.
  • Leave the garbage in the trash can alone (I guess that would mean the garbage elsewhere is free game).
  • Markers are for coloring on paper, not your skin.
  • Markers are for coloring on paper, not the table.
  • Markers are for coloring on paper, not the couch.
  • Do not sit on your brother/sister.
  • Only empty one drawer in your dresser at a time please, then you can put it all back and start again. What fun!
  • I think wearing 3 shirts at a time is enough, you need to put one back if you want to wear that one too.
  • Stop licking the window or all of the birdies are going to go away.
  • Put the bug down, it needs to go find his momma.
  • Your caterpillar is sleeping. Let’s go find a comfy leaf for him to nap on.
  • I don’t think you’ll like that; it’s an onion, not an apple.
  • Yes, we can go swimming later. In 6 months. No that’s not tomorrow.
  • No we can't get a shark today, I have too much laundry to do.
  • There is no monster in the closet, dresser, under the bed, behind the curtain...etc. I already checked.
  • Here is a special pair of socks for you to keep you safe from above mentioned non-existant monsters.
  • I'll put a sign on the door that says "No Monsters" then they can't come in (and yes I did.)
  • There are no monsters, I vacuumed all of the monsters up.
  • If you want to buy a real pirate ship you need to save your money for a long time. Pirate ships are expensive.

Thursday, February 3, 2011

An Hour In The Life...

7:30 am Good morning Mom. Can I get up? Can I get up now? Mom. Mom. Mom. Can I get up? Why are you telling me I need to go potty? Come with me. No come potty with me.  Why are you saying no Mom? 

7:32 am I don’t want to wear pants. No it’s not cold. I don’t want to wear pants. Why are you saying too bad? Can I have a sweatshirt, its cold. Mom. Mom. Mom.  Can I have a sweatshirt? Why are you telling me to wait? Can I have milk? Can I have milk in my cup? Can I have my drink with no top? Why are you telling me no Mom? 

7:33 am When I drink my milk can I have juice? Why are you saying we’ll see? I want breakfast, whats for lunch? No I don’t want breakfast, I want lunch.

7:34 am Mom. Can I eat a cookie? Why are you saying I can’t eat a cookie? I want a cookie. Why are you saying too bad? Can I have cereal? Can I have raisins in my cereal? Can I have it in a bowl? Can I eat at the couch? 

7:36 am Turn on a movie. PLEASE.I don’t want this movie, I want Dora. I don’t want this Dora, I want stuck truck Dora. Why are you saying later? Can I have more milk? No, no juice, I want milk. 

7:40 am What are we doing today? Can I make a fire truck? You said I could make a fire truck for craft. Mom. Mom. Mom. Why are you saying later? Why are you saying you need coffee mom? Can I have coffee? Why are you saying no? Can I have coffee? Can I get out the coffee cream? Why are you telling me to go sit down? Can I have more raisins?

7:41 am What is Arlo eating? Can I eat it? Why can’t I? 

7:42 am Mom. Mom. Mom. Up? Up? Up?

7:45 am Where’s Daddy? Why did Daddy go to work? Can I have cinnamon rolls? Why can’t we have cinnamon rolls today? When Daddy doesn’t go to work can we have cinnamon rolls? Thank you! 

7:50 am Can I call Mema? 

8:00 am Can we do our craft now? Why are you saying wait? Why are you not ready? I want to make a fire truck AND a police car. Why are you saying no? Is that going to be my fire truck? Why are you cutting the paper? Can I cut the paper? Why are you saying not today? My truck needs wheels.

8:03 am I need more glue. I need more glue. Mom. Mom. Mom. I need more glue. Mom.  I need more wheels.  Can I have 12 wheels? Why? Why are you saying no? 

8:10 am My fire truck needs a fire station. Where is my truck going to go without a fire station?  Please. I said please. Mom. Mom. Mom. I need a fire station. Why are you saying not today? Tomorrow can we make a fire station? Thank you!

8:11 am Why are you saying you need more coffee? Can I have coffee? Can I have juice? Thank you!

8: 20 am Where are you going? I want to go do laundry too. Why are you telling me no? Can I do laundry later? In a little bit? Can I go downstairs? 

8:22 am Mom.Mom.Mom. Mooooooom. What are you doing downstairs? Why are you doing laundry? Can I do laundry? Why you saying wait there? Are you coming back? Mom. Mom. Mom. Are you coming back?

8:25 am Whats that noise? Mom. What’s that noise? Why does the washing machine make so much noise? I don’t make a lot of noise Mom. Mom. Mom. Can you turn on another Dora? I want stuck truck Dora. Can I have juice? Where is my juice? I don’t see it. Where? Where? Oh there it is! I found it! 

8:30 am Mom. Mom. Moooooooom. Where arrrrre  yoooooooooooooooou? Mom. Mom. Why are you in your closet? My turn hide and seek.

Monday, January 31, 2011

Sometimes a Good Mom

I have heard countless times, Mom’s can’t get sick. This is true. When Mom gets sick we turn into crappy parents. I have a horrible cold. Enter crappy parent…

The television has been on the majority of the day. When someone licked the glue stick during craft time I gave a less than enthusiastic “don’t eat glue.” I put their cookie on their plate with their lunch because I didn’t want to have to get up and get it again after they ate (which of course they didn’t because they already had the cookie.) When they wanted chips for snack, no fish crackers, no chips, no both, I caved and gave both because I didn’t want to have the argument. There is no singing of songs, my throat hurts. The kid allowed the privledge of being the "helper" for the day (which they totally love!) is fetching tissues rather than assisting in baking home made pizza-we had microwaved mac n cheese for lunch.

We're working on the essentials today. Feed, water, wait, that's the dogs. Feed, sippy cup, send thing #1 to the bathroom, change diaper on thing #2 and thing #3. Repeat process as needed. 

Fortunately I was a good Mom last week. I think we are okay with the “every other week” plan. Now please excuse me while I go back to the couch to be a booger filled zombie and pretend that we are engaging in an activity together, watching  yet another movie.