Wednesday, June 15, 2011

I Need To Wrap a Gift--Do You Have a Squirrel?

I had to wrap a gift tonight and it became a very interesting situation. Normally I am a gift-bag kind of girl. First, it’s easier. Second, I think it is more environmentally conscious since it can be reused and recycled.
Since I’m a firm believer in gift bag re-use, I have no problem wrapping a wedding gift in a pink sparkly unicorn bag. What kind of person would not like a pink sparkly unicorn bag? And even if they didn’t like the pink sparkly unicorn bag, they would find it pretty expected coming from me. 

However, I think that a life-changing celebration like a wedding deserves tissue paper. I also reuse tissue paper—reuse and recycle baby! I put the pieces that are less crumply at the top. If they are all really crumply, then I make them look like they are SUPPOSED to be that way. It’s textured tissue paper.

Tonight’s problem…no tissue paper. I’ll just keep working through the problem tree. 

It’s a box. I can wrap it. I have oodles of wrapping paper. I can even use regular wrapping paper that doesn’t have seasonally inappropriate snowmen and santa’s on it. 

I don’t have any scotch tape. This shouldn’t really surprise me since I remember someone unwinding 90% of the roll for a “crap project.” 

Some people may have given up at this point, would have either waited until tomorrow to go to the store for appropriate gift wrapping supplies. I am over achiever creative thinker and I can make this work. Let’s see…

Return to the problem tree and reevaluate the options:

  • Duct Tape
  • Packaging Tape
  • Stickers
  • Chewing gum
 Stickers it is.

A wedding gift wrapped in jivin’ stripped paper held closed with squirrel stickers? You bet. After all it’s the gift inside that counts. Isn’t that how that saying goes? Thought that counts? Well what does squirrel stickers say about my thoughts? It says better things than chewing gum would have.

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

Really Ridiculous Level of Really Ridiculous Bargaining and Threatening

I find myself making ridiculous bargains and threats. I am talking a really ridiculous level of really ridiculous bargaining and threatening. 

These tend to most frequently occur around the bedtime hours (the plural on hours was intended).For example, I just had a conversation in the bathroom that I thought to myself, “Did I actually just say that outloud?” The reality is, I should have been more embarrassed that my second thought was, “Oh! I’ve got to remember that one and use it again!”

The situation: post bed-time potty. There are two things intensely complicating my life right now: potty training and bedtime. (There is laundry too, but that’s always there, it’s a constant and so I’ve just given up and accept it for what it is. A major suckage of my time.) G pretty much has me every night, 8:30 p.m., half an hour into “you should be in bed!” time and he has to go to the bathroom. Every. Single. Night.

Of course Kinsley follows in with that she has to go to the bathroom too. 

Now don’t go making some brilliant suggestion like, “Have him go before bedtime!” Do you really think I didn’t think of that one on my own? Or yet another brilliant suggestion, “Just tell him no.” Yeah, that will work out well for me. Remember the story about Greyson having to clean his own poopy pull up? Yeah that time I had to wash him, his clothes, the walls, the toilet, the floor, the tub. Awesome suggestion.

So there I am standing with the stern face in the bathroom to make sure there are no shenanigans going around. Hanging out for several minutes, I announce that I am going to count to 20 and then it is time to be done going potty. I count slowly, I’ve already given a great deal of thought to how to handle this situation and not traumatize my kids and make them think they won’t have enough time to do what they need to. 

…18, 19,20. You’re done.

“No I’m not.” I pretty clearly saw that one coming. Two toddlers saying no to a directive? That’s a given.
“If you don’t get down right now, you will not get to flush your poop.”

Yes, I did do a combine bribe/threat with FLUSHING. A very effective bribe/threat! 

I am so proud of my victory and wit that I snap into auto-mode and FLUSH. Damn. That kind of ruins the effective follow-through, if I do that then my next bribe/threat won’t be as effective. 

“Okay, sorry, I forgot. You can flush my poop next time.”