Thursday, February 10, 2011

I'm Super Mom. Pleased to meet you!

Hello, I would like to introduce you to super-mom. Yes, that would be me. Today I made baby food. The fact that we were out of baby food and I forgot to buy it when I went to the grocery store *may* have been a factor, don’t judge.

So I opened the can of sweet potatoes (again, here you go with the criticism, I did indeed use canned sweet potatoes instead of peeling, dicing, boiling fresh ones. There is only so much time in a day!) Then popped them in the food processor (okay now, you are getting picky. Mashing by hand does mean I love my child more; that is the way things went in the stone-age, before they invented the wheel. We have gadgets for things now.) Pushing a button to make baby food is the way to go! Ti-da!!! Baby food is made! That only took 10 minutes to make me the most fabulous parent in the whole wide world. 

There I am feeding my home-made, canned sweet potato, food processor-ized baby food to Little Man and booming with pride.  He is digging it too. I am AWESOME. 

THEN, I realize all is quiet in the kitchen. Uh-oh.

Sweet Mom la-di-da sing songy voice. Me: Greyson?? What are you doing?

Inquisitive toddler in la-di-da sing songy voice. Greyson: Playing with the silverware.

Remain calm. Channel the calm, cool, collected voice. Ommmmm.

Me: Greyson you can play with the spoons and forks but leave the knives* alone.

Greyson: I’m already done with those ones Mom. I put them back.

There goes my supermom award. I was in the kitchen 3 minutes ago! They are going to come and take my cape and everything. 

*Before you report me to CPS, I was referring to butter knives not steak knives. I am not THAT bad. 

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

The Case of the Missing Purse

Today I was on a hunt for my purse. Not like shopping for a purse, I mean my actual credit/debit, ID and money containing purse. This was day #3 that it had been missing. I figure it was about time to look for it. Obviously on day #1 I looked in all the obvious places, places where it SHOULD be. On day #2 I looked in the places it could be—under the couch? Hiding under something on the counter? Left in the car?

As an FYI—I carry a wristlet not a full size purse, so when it is lost there are a lot more places it can go. Yes I did just say “when it is lost” indicating this is not the first time. This is about the ten-bazillionith time. Kinsley has a fondness for things that are mine, particularly things that she should not have. The purse and cell phone are favorites (if you recall the story about  her eating the space bar off of my cell phone TWICE.) Naturally, I am pretty sure I know how it came to be misplaced.

Generally she doesn’t take the entire purse, she just grabs it and starts emptying it, tossing cards throughout the house. It’s like a game of Hansel and Gretel with plastic. If this were a game on Minute-To-Win-It, we’d be rich!

Kinsley is in the “stashing” phase, you know the one where it is just oh-so-very-very-fun to put things places. Unfortunately, she has not yet acquired the skills to remember where she has stashed the goods. It wasn’t too surprising when I found a cheesestick inside of the flashlight—this is the kind of crazy house we live in. You just never know what you are going to find! 

The other day, I went in a cupboard (her favorite cupboard that she climbs and sits in at least a dozen times a day) and there was a small blanket, two calculators, a dump truck, an empty juice box and a remote. It was clear I had discovered her favorite stash spot. No purse in there.

Last Friday I found the television remote inside of the giant stock pot, lid nicely replaced. The same day I found a plastic hippo inside of the cereal box. Two more good places to check-nope and nope. In her bed? No. Under the bed? No. In her dresser? Laundry basket? No. Inside of a boot? No. Alright we are getting serious  now. 

Think Elyse. Think. Where could it be? I am now a good 20 minutes into the search and every time I move onto a new place to look you can bet that Greyson and Kinsley are a half step behind me to ask “whatcha doing?” 

Me: I’m looking for my purse. 

Kinsley: It’s hiding.

In my nice mommy voice, Kinsley do you know where mommy’s purse is hiding?

Kinsley: YES! It’s down there! 

Me: Down where?

Kinsley: There.

Me: Where is there?

Kinsley: Hiding.

Clearly this line of questioning is not going to be helpful. 

I’ll just keep looking. Fridge? No. Bathroom drawer? Under the kitchen sink? In the arts and crafts bin? Toy bin? No. Nope. Nada. Zip. Zilch. 

Alright, I give. It isn’t like I ever go anywhere. Who in their right mind is going to dress, pack, and load three kids in the car in the winter? There is no where that interesting! It will turn up eventually. Besides I really don’t think I can stand to hear “whatcha doin?” one more time.

Fast forward to 6:00pm. 

Me to Bo: I STILL can’t find my purse. Are you sure you haven’t seen it?

Bo: You need to take care of your things.


Ten minutes later Bo hands me my purse. MY HERO!! “Where was it?!”

Bo: I had put it in the bread box.

OHHHH!! Why did I not think to look in the bread box?!

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

The Benefits of Many

When I go somewhere with all three kids it is inevitable that someone will look at me and say something along the lines of “Wow. You must be busy!” And you ain’t kidding!! Some days I feel like I don’t even have time to sit down. I have learned to like cold coffee because the cup I pour at 8am is most likely still going to be in my cup at 10am when I finally getting around to having a sip. But the truth is I think that having multiple kids might actually be easier than having one. 

They are willing to inform you what everyone else is doing. Just in case I tuned it out and wasn’t aware they are there to tell me….

They said shit. They colored on the walls. They are taking things from the trash. They took my truck. I’m talking to Daddy and he can’t hear me.  The baby is crying. The baby is sleeping. I woke up the baby. I have poop. They have poop. They are looking at me. They won’t let me have the glue. Wait, what???? We aren’t doing a craft. Why do you have glue out?! 

This proves to be very helpful if I want to leave the room. You know who could go to the  bathroom without someone outside the door reporting what everyone is doing. 

Additionally you can kind of tune out the noise so that you don’t have to listen to Elmo la-la-la in Elmo’s world for the fifteenth time. Someone will most definitely tell you if someone else needs to go to time out. 

Follow the noise.
Whether it is crying or giggling, you can tell where the kids are in a heartbeat. They are never more than 6” apart from one another and when there is more than one there is certain to be an abundance of noise. No need to go looking to determine if they are in the living room, bedroom, closet, cupboard—just stop and listen then they will be found. 

Similarly, when things are quiet it is strange enough to jolt you into awareness regardless of what you are doing. Where are they??? Undoubtedly they will be deeply engaged in something they shouldn’t be. Oh there they are…hiding in the shower eating M & M’s. Since they are being nice to one another I think I’ll just pretend I don’t know. 

They really do love and enjoy each other. I think. Maybe. Kinda.
Greyson: Kinsley will you draw a picture with me?
Kinsley: No.
Greyson: But you’re my best friend.
Kinsley: No I’m not.
Greyson: Yes you are.
Kinsley: No I’m not.
Greyson: Yes  you are…

I think you can see the pattern the conversation follows from here. 

If one doesn't want it the other does. 
If one person doesn't want their pineapple because they want another string cheese, it is pretty likely the other is looking to have some more cheese but won't eat their pineapple. Enter bargain and trade. Already they are so well versed in economic principles. 

The idea of one person having one thing and another having something else is also a great parenting tool. Kinsley picked up all of her toys in under a minute. Do you want to race her? Hello competition.

You can lower your standards.
You can lower them really, really, REALLY low. When Greyson was a baby his shirt, pants, socks, bib all matched. If he spit up then I would change the entire outfit. Oh it makes my stomach hurt from laughter to think about doing that now. I already have 7+ loads of laundry in a week.

Currently Kinsley is wearing pajama's. No, not the pajama's she slept in but different pajama's--that is what she picked to wear today. Arlo has sweet potatoes on his shirt--it brings out the blue of his eyes. Greyson has a brown and orange shirt, khaki pants and red socks. He wore the red socks to bed and didn't want to take them off. Whatever floats your boat little people!

It’s like an assembly line.
Henry Ford should have teamed up with Nanny Jo Frost to write the ultimate parenting book. I literally line them up-change shirt, change shirt, change shirt, change pants, change pants, change pants, drink, drink, drink, tuck in good night, tuck in good night, tuck in good night. Etc. 

When I sit down (I know weird, right?!) it is gauranteed that I will have a friend to sit with me. If I am going to have one kid on my lap, might as well have 3. I recognize that as they grow this could become a problem. We’re working on adding a rotation system to our assembly line. 

When it comes to having a family, for us the thought was go big or go home!

The World Through Their Eyes

I know all parents think their kids are fabulous. But mine really are the funniest little beings ever! I am constantly laughing at the way they see the world.

Me: Greyson, why are you putting the spatula in the toilet?
Greyson: I’m catching fish.
Me: There are no fish in the toilet, stop doing that.
Greyson: But you said, I need to stop flushing the potty all the time or the fishies will die.
Me: I meant the fishies in the lake.
Greyson: Mom. (in the duh voice.) There is not a lake in the potty that's at the beach.

Me: Kinsley, why are you putting the mustard bottle in your noise?
Kinsley: I sucking my boogers out.

Me: Why  are you following me around everywhere?
Greyson: I’m a choochoo train. You’re a caboose. You’re a BIG caboose.
Me: Thanks.

Me: Kinsley if you don’t stop putting that in your mouth then you are going to go to time-out.
Kinsley: I want to go to time-out. It’s fun there.

Me: Greyson that ponytail won’t stay in your hair. You don’t have enough hair.
Greyson: Oh. Like Papa?

Greyson: I like Santa he brings me presents.
Kinsley: I like Papa. He brings presents too!

Kinsley to Libbey (the dog), hands her apple to Libbey who is eating a bone: Here Libbey, I trade.
Takes the dog bone which she is now using to take up space and give weight to her purse and gives the dog her apple.
Me: Kinsley we don’t take the dogs bone.
Kinsley: I traded. 

Greyson to Kinsley: stay away from my cup, I’m drinking my coffee and it’s hot, it’s not for little people.
Kinsley: I not little. I big girl.
Greyson: You ARE little. You’re two. I’m big, I’m 3.