Things You May Say...I Do Anyway...

Dear Sparrow Hospital,

I think the following list would be useful to include in your baby/mother paperwork.

Things you may find yourself saying:

• Do not play in the dog’s water bowl. It belongs to the dogs and they don’t want to share.
• It’s nap time. Stay IN YOUR BED…unless there is a fire. If there is a fire you can get out. 
• Do not put hotwheels on the baby’s head, he's sleeping, he can't play when he is sleeping.
• Do I need to call Santa? I have his phone number.
• We can’t borrow all of the books at the library, we need to share with other people. Pick 3.
• Put the hair gel down, your hair looks lovely already.
• Your hair looks lovely, please put the hair gel down now.
• It is time to be quiet. The hippo needs to take a nap.
• The beach is closed today, there is snow.
• The doggies don’t like hugs, they just like high-fives.
• That is so nice to give the baby a book, but please give him a soft little book (as opposed to the large/hard ones that you keep bonking him in the head with)
• I don't think that Arlo needs a pretzel, he doesn't have any teeth yet. 
• The blinds are not for playing hide and seek in, go hide in the closet.
• You can only have one tattoo today.
• Leave the garbage in the trash can alone (I guess that would mean the garbage elsewhere is free game).
• Markers are for coloring on paper, not your skin.
• Markers are for coloring on paper, not the table.
• Markers are for coloring on paper, not the couch.
• Do not sit on your brother/sister.
• Only empty one drawer in your dresser at a time please, then you can put it all back and start again. What fun!
• I think wearing 3 shirts at a time is enough, you need to put one back if you want to wear that one too.
• Stop licking the window or all of the birdies are going to go away.
• Put the bug down, it needs to go find his momma.
• Your caterpillar is sleeping. Let’s go find a comfy leaf for him to nap on.
• I don’t think you’ll like that; it’s an onion, not an apple.
• Yes, we can go swimming later. In 6 months. No that’s not tomorrow.
• No we can't get a shark today, I have too much laundry to do.
• There is no monster in the closet, dresser, under the bed, behind the curtain...etc. I already checked.
• Here is a special pair of socks for you to keep you safe from above mentioned non-existant monsters.
• I'll put a sign on the door that says "No Monsters" then they can't come in (and yes I did.)
• There are no monsters, I vacuumed all of the monsters up.
• If you want to buy a real pirate ship you need to save your money for a long time. Pirate ships are expensive.