Tuesday, February 22, 2011

The Case of the Cute Mom

There I was in Carter’s, happily browsing through the clearance section (with an extra 20% off clearance and then a 20% off coupon!) when this woman had the nerve to wreck everything. From the back she looked like one of those cute Mom’s, you know the kind who are a size 2. Then she turns so that her profile is blocking the view of the $3.99 and under rack. She not only is a cute Mom but she is a PREGNANT cute Mom. She literally looks like someone shoved a beach ball under her cashmere sweater!


For the record…when I was pregnant with Arlo by the time I hit my 7th month my maternity clothes didn’t even fit. I can’t even say that my entire being looked like a beach ball, more like a beached whale. Now don’t go thinking I am being unkind to myself, my doctor tried explaining to me (without requesting it) the reasons I was so “gi-normous.” I was medically classified as a gi-normous pregnant lady.

The nerve of her ruining my shopping fun. I am peacing-out on Carter’s and going to find some clothes so that I look like cute Mom. I don’t think the fact that I have been wearing yoga pants for the last 4 months is working in my favor. Hello, TJ Max, let’s find some jeans.

That’s a sucky idea. When you are already feeling a little insecure about your appearance, trying on jeans is a sure fire way to make you want to run to the closest Culver’s for a cheeseburger, onion rings and chocolate malt. Now doesn’t that sound counter-productive!

I did end up with several cute shirts and two pairs of fabulous jeans, as well as the determination to officially start a diet. No more of this watching what I eat and then eating chocolate chip cookies while everyone is sleeping.

In the past my mom had fabulous success with the South Beach diet. It’s a modified version of Atkins, but you are allowed some carbs. I LOVE CARBS!! I ask for a second basket of rolls when we go to Texas Roadhouse (and that is when there is only two of us dinning out!) Certainly I can give up carbs and sugar for two weeks.

By 8pm my mind had become possessed by the thought of rolls, soft pretzels, jimmy johns’ subs and anything else that contained flour. Two weeks? I didn’t make it 24 hours! I have a call into Paula Dean to ask her opinion on the matter. I think she will advise that the problem is not the bread, it is that I don’ t have enough butter in my diet. That Paula, she’s a smart cookie.

Mmmmm cookie.

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