Are You Stupid?

When I announce that we are now going to wash the dogs and both kids stare at me with the “Mom? Are you stupid?” look it should have thrown up a red flag.

But nooo. I was still riding high on the guilt trip I sponsored for myself after I spent the weekend not cleaning a darn tootin’ thing.

I get to double mommy guilt-free points if I can engage the kids in what I need to do. It’s fun and productive.

There I am pushing the rump of a 900 lb. Labrador through the doorway when Greyson says, “Do you think we should wait for Daddy to be home?”

Whhhhatt?? I might have been in my late 20’s before I learned how to start a lawnmower, but I am fully capable of giving the dogs a bath.

Dog in bathroom. Now Parker dog, get in the tub. I said GET. IN. THE. TUB. Parker Dog remains four paws rooted to the ground and offers me the sidelong glance that asks again, “Are you stupid?”

Okay mommy is just going to lift 900lb. Parker Dog into the tub. YEAHH!! One. Two. Three. Lifffffffffffffft. No wait. Lifffffffffffffffffffffffffft. Okay front paws are in, push the rump again…dog in tub.

Greyson and Kinsley remain standing with the A.Y.S. expression on their face.

Do you guys want to help me? Here is some soap. Rub it on the doggie.

Greyson starts crying. His hands are dirty. It’s okay, dirty hands are fun.

He is carrying on in such a manner that I momentarily pause in the dog scrubbing to hand him a towel. In that second, Parker Dog believes that I am done tormenting him and gives the wet dog shake, with dog shampoo and all.

Now Kinsley is crying and screaming that Parker sprinkled her and he needs to go to time out.

No honey, playing in the water is fun. You don’t cry when you get splashed in the pool?

Kinsley whimpers, but he’s stinky. Point for toddler. He does stink like wet dog. I stink like wet dog. The whole house stinks like wet dog.

Now there are two screaming kids, dog hair and shampoo all over the bathroom floor/walls/ceiling/shower curtain and kids. Did I mention that we have TWO dogs?

Libbey Dog has remained in the doorway starring at me. I know what she is thinking “Are you stupid?”  The answer seems to be yes.