Monsters Are Allergic to Hot Dogs

Several years ago our family doctor told me that when your children lie that it is a sign of creativity. Makes sense. Long before the brain develops the ability to “make believe” an entire plot including mommy’s, daddy’s, Disney and Spiderman, kids are able to lie. It’s a mini version of make believe, a whole lot less to develop and remember. 

There are the boring lies... I don’t have to go potty. I didn’t spill that. I didn’t hit them. I only hear about 10 gaga-billion of those in a day. Perhaps if I heard one or two, I would just give the "are you kidding me?" look and tell them that I know the truth. What fun would that be?

As part of my occupational abilities, I take great enjoyment out of pulling lies from my kids and spinning some of my own.These fly out of my mouth without any preparation. I think it is a gift.

Me: Did you go potty?

Greyson: Yes.

Me: Strange, you were in there for a half second. Are you sure you went?

Greyson the one whose lip twitches when he lies: Yes.

Me: Well I am going to go ask the potty if you want. Did you know I can talk “potty?” He will tell me. And if he tells me that you didn’t go, and you say you that you did, you are going to go to time-out. Do you want to try again?

Greyson turns and walks out. Yup, momma can talk potty.

Me: Kinsley, did you color on the wall with crayon?

Kinsley the stone face under extreme pressure liar: No.

Me: Kinsley….did YOU color on the wall with crayon?

Kinsley: No.

Me: There is crayon on my wall. Who did it?

Kinsley: The leprechauns.

Me: No they didn’t. This crayon is blue. Leprechauns like GREEN. Did you color the wall?

And she caves under the pressure. Score for the mom!

Me: Did you feed your hot dog to Parker Dog?

Greyson: No.

Me: Where did it go?

Greyson: The monster ate it.

Me: What monster?

Greyson: The one who eats the socks from the laundry. He likes hot dogs too.

Me: Monsters are allergic to hot dogs. That monster is going to get very sick if he eats a hotdog and drinks your milk too.  You better drink your milk before that monster does. The monster hospital is closed on Tuesdays. (Realize that you are telling this story on a Wednesday, stick to the story.) And Wednesday too.