Not Meant for Consumption

Earlier in the week the kids and I ventured to Art Van to look for a new couch, preferably one that did not smell like dogs or have a giant hole in which the Bigs and dogs could make it “snow” year round. I think I may have scared the sales-woman slightly, three kids in tow, yoga pants with peanut butter and behaving all too much like Kate Gosslin, barking orders and issuing threats at my posse.

Overall, the trip was uneventful. I picked out, paid for and arranged pick up in record time. For the most part the kids refrained from using the display furniture like a jungle gym, although there was a minor altercation between a sippy cup and glass topped coffee table.

I was feeling pretty la-di-da on the return trip to the car. That is until I realize Kinsley is feeling la-di-da herself and lagging a good 6 feet behind me, starring at the ground. She bends down and says “ohhhh yummy!” I can guarantee whatever she is pointing to, mommy does not think it is ohhh or yummy. Before I can bark at her to LEAVE.IT.ALONE she puts it into her mouth.

The order quickly switches to SPIT.IT.OUT.NOW. spoken in a monotone, don’t-mess-with-me-lady tone of voice and out pops a red Mike N Ike.

I believe some kids put things in their mouth and some kids don’t. Greyson was never one to do it. Kinsley is. Every time we go to a McDonalds play place I end up cleaning up some other kids ketchup off the floor because I am afraid she is going to start lapping it up. It doesn’t matter how many times I tell her, do not eat ketchup/candy/food/or any other item from anywhere other than your plate, it happens.

Later that same night I am putting Arlo to bed. Ever so delicately I lean over the crib rail so as not to wake the baby I just coaxed to sleep. Right before his body touches the mattress I see OHHH YUMMY CHOCOLATE. I’ve been dieting for months, chocolate, mmm cho-co-late yummy yummy yummy.

I pick up the morsel and as soon as the ohhh yummy touches my tongue the thought strikes, why is there chocolate in the babies bed? Shouldn’t I have thought that was weird?! Why did I put a little brown, soft nugget IN MY MOUTH?!! Dear God.

Oh wait, it actually IS chocolate. Make mental note: do not eat brown soft nuggets from floors, beds, or anywhere that is not a Hershey’s wrapper.

At least now I know where Kinsley gets it from.