Potty Mouth Itis

My smart, sweet, beautiful, darling daughter suffers from potty-mouth-itis. If you are deeply offended by the taking of the Lords name in vain, please do not read any further and please-oh-please please please do not spend any time with Kinsley.

This all started several months ago. There is a parent in our house, not to be named, who suffers from his own version of potty-mouth-itis. I believe it was through this connection Kinsley contracted her illness. I remain firmly convinced that for a women, when she has children who hormones change in such a way that she uses words like poo, geez, darn and dang in her regular vocabulary.

I’ll admit the first time I heard her tiny sweet little voice saying “G. Damnit” I started cracking up. Then tried to regain composure and sternly said, we don’t say that—it’s not nice. I didn’t want to make a big deal out of it, we all know that if it is a big NO, then it is way more fun to participate it.

There was the day I took all the kids to the grocery store. Despite being totally brain fried and dripping with sweat from this outing (what in the world was I thinking?!)  I am sure that I was still using words like dang, darn, and poo. Still Kinsley must have sensed my stress and felt it the perfect time to drop her own feelings of frustration, G.D .it! (Abbreviation was not used vocally). So what happens next? Oh Greyson replies with the same—G.D. it! Back and forth, back and forth they go. They got a good three speed rounds in before I firmly announced they were NOT going to get M & M’s in the checkout lane if I heard that one more time. Issue resolved.

We reached a new level of potty-mouth-itis when Bo let out a big “grrrrrr” in frustration. Kinsley immediately blurted out what she thought should follow. Super. We have utilized the philosophy of Pavlov’s Dogs to train our 2 year old to respond with swear words when she hears someone being frustrated. Looking on the positive, great job making an appropriate association! On the downside, the chance that she is going to give a big ole’ swear word in the company of someone who is going to be deeply offended therefore forcing me to retract into a hole of shame is increasing. Parent suffering from potty-mouth-itis ceased foul language at this point.

Kinsley sensed the absence of swearing in our home and felt the need to fill it. “G.D. it I pee pee’d in my pants.” “G.D.it, Dora all done.” “The fishies swam and swam all over the G.D. it.” SERIOUSLY???!!! Confession part #2: it is STILL funny each and every single time. I have a terrible sense of humor that loves when my children behave inappropriately. Every time she says it, it’s like I have the good angel and bad angel on each shoulder. 

Good Angel: This is not okay Mom. Step up. Be a parent here.

Bad Angel: hahaha!! That was hilarious! Don’t worry, she’ll just outgrow it. Probably every kid swears.

Good angel wins. “Kinsley stop it or you are going to get soap in your mouth.” Kinsley has never had soap in her mouth but she is smart enough to know soap does not equal yum.

The potty-mouth-itis currently remains an issue. It was no surprise when my Mom called to report that Kinsley (who has been having a long weekend at their house) was going around singing G.D. it, G.D.it, G.D. it. UGHHHHH!!! Have no fear—my mother is a genius! Every time Kinsley says it, my mom says in the same emphatic tone, “That’s right. GOD LOVES IT!”

Maybe now people will think potty-mouth-itis daughter is singing praises. I have a feeling the phrase “God love it” will need to be further reinforced before the issue is resolved.  Sigh. It could be worse…Greyson could still be declaring in a very LOUD voice, “Mommy, she has a BIGGGGG butt!”