Apologies for the Mall Outing

I feel a little bit like a hermit crab sometimes. Just hanging out inside my shell and not venturing anywhere. You should go walk around the mall hubby says. Since he is going to be working late this evening which forces me to have two additional hours of solo child management added to our daily routine, I thought about it. Then I rethought it. It always leaves me feeling like I need to issue so many apologies…

There is the woman in the Younker’s bathroom who passed gas. I am sorry that my child shouted through the stall that you should say excuse me. I am even more sorry that my other child shouted even louder that you made a stinky toot. Perhaps when they told you that if you made big poopies you could have an M&M amended the situation all on its own.

To the guy who runs the kiosk that has all the candy. I owe you several apologies. First of all, I am sorry that my kids ran to your booth and started madly pulling things from your shelves (although, I am sure this is not a new situation. May I suggest that you don’t keep chocolate at ground level? Just sayin.) Second, I am sorry that I misled you to believe that I felt guilty enough about the candy pulling that I was going to try to redeem myself through a purchase. All of this occurred before I realized that it was $2.25 and for a Kit Kat bar.

To the mall walkers. My children really do have excellent manners. You can just ask the lady in the Marshall Fields bathroom who was reminded to say excuse me. They generally say excuse me for walking in front of someone. I am sorry that they turned your speed walking session into something more like maze running as you attempted to dodge around their muchkin running. It is a great inner and outer thigh workout to move side to side like that. Oh, you just had a hip replacement? Well then perhaps you should take a seat next to the candy kiosk and buy yourself a mashed up kit-kat bar.

To the employees in the shoe department at Marshall Fields.  Your shoes really are very pretty. They also really are great walkie-talkies. I hope that the Bigs demonstrated a new selling feature for you by picking up various pumps and placing them against their faces like a telephone as I madly snatched and replaced them to their proper homes. Oh those weren’t their proper homes? We left didn’t we? Okay then, let’s be over it.

To the man leaving Victorias Secret. Please don’t take it personally that Thing #1 told me you were buying pretty pull ups and shirts for your buttons.

To the woman with the glittery shirt…they were telling you that they liked your sprinkles in reference to your shirt sparkles. They were not telling you that you had nice tinkles. Unless you were the same woman who was in the Marshall Field bathroom…if so, I already told you I was sorry.