My New Kids Book...If You Have Dirty Banana's

I have a new children’s book “If You Buy Too Many Bananas”

You might think it’s a good idea to buy lots of the frugal fruit banana’s. But if you buy too many banana’s…

They are going to get over ripe before you can eat them. And if they get ripe before you can eat them…

They will start to get big brown spots that are extra soft. And if they get big brown spots that are extra soft…

The kids won’t eat them because they are “dirty bananas.” And if the kids won’t eat them because they are dirty banana’s.

You are going to have to mash them. And if you have to mash the overripe, dirty bananas, because you can’t throw away $1.60, your grandfather grew up in the depression and not everyone had unlimited amounts of banana’s. He also worked for Detroit Edison, he didn’t own it, so shut the bloody fridge door already and stop looking for something to eat that’s better than the over-ripe dirty banana’s. 

Where were we? Oh yes, if you have to mash the overripe dirty banana’s then you have to figure out what to do with them.

You can turn mashed bananas into a) banana bread or b) baby food. If you make banana bread then you’re going to screw up your diet. So you have to use the 12lbs of mashed bananas to make baby food.

If you make banana baby food, then you need to feed it to the baby.

If you feed 12 lbs of mashed bananas to the baby as every solid meal over 3 days, the baby is going to have diaper explosions.

If the baby has diaper explosions, then you are going to have to take off all of his clothing while trying to figure out how to not smear diaper explosion all over him. 

If you take off all of his clothes, you know have diaper explosion clothes on your bathroom floor for 4.5 seconds.

If you have diaper explosion clothes on your bathroom floor for 4.5 seconds, then you’re little helper is going to help you clean them up.

If you’re little helper is going to help you clean them up, she will pick them up and carry them through the house towards the basement steps and throw them down to the laundry as she has seen you do. 

If you’re little helper carries them through the house and throws them down the basement stairs, you will have diaper explosion drops across the floor and the diaper explosion will land on top of the clean clothes you placed at the bottom of the stairs to bring up to fold. 

If you get out the mop to clean up the diaper explosion, the big will now want to use the mop as a dragon sword. You still have the diaper explosion in the clean laundry to deal with so just give him the dragon sword.

If you give him the dragon sword, he will go around chasing his sister, who will start to cry, follow you downstairs to tell “I NOT A DRAGON” and find the diaper explosion clothing. 

If she finds the diaper explosion clothing, she will pick them up to bring them to you and kindly throw them in the washer…where more clean clothes are.

Just buy some damn apples. Everyone likes applesauce.