Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Nice Boots Officer!

We had a very exciting visitor! As I was cleaning up lunch, about the time that my house at the highest level of chaos with toys strewn about the whole living room and every child showing evidence that nap time is coming near, animal control pulls in my driveway.

I’m thinking that it is not the gold fish who have caused an issue. That leaves Libbey Dog and Parker Dog. I give them the “what did you do?” look skulk in their beds until the doorbell rings, signaling both dog and child to begin running around in circles at operating at volume level “Very Loud.”

“Hello Officer. Please come in. What can I do for you?”

“Your neighbor…”

Out comes Greyson, fully naked, jumping up and down and screaming with glee, “HiMr.PoliceManIPoopedCanISeeYourBadge? Please!?” Awww he said please. I am pretty used to having to remind kids, “It is not appropriate to have a naked butt anywhere but the bathroom. Please go find your pants.”

As a matter of fact, as I am typing I just had to take a time-out to issue a threatening reminder. “If you want to play with the flashlight you need to find pants. I don’t care if you are looking for dinosaurs. Dinosaur hunters wear pants. NOW.”

Not being very fazed by the little naked butt who is asking about guns, badges, and flashing lights, I reroute G back to the bathroom to wipe, wash and dress.

“Now Officer, what were you saying about my neighbor?”

“Yes, your neighbor called us and complained…”

Enter flirt-face Kinsley dressed in the usual triple patterned outfit combining polka dots, and two flower patterns. Oh look, she got dressed up for the officer and now has a headband…going across her forehead like she is that guy from X-Men with the laser beam eyeballs.

Batting her eyelashes and tipping her head to the side, she pats his foot and coo’s “I yike you sinnney boots.”

“Yes, Kinsley, those are very nice boots the police officer has on. Now, what about my neighbor?”

Please note that during this entire chaotic conversation, I have blocks, cars, baby dolls, and silverware strewn about my living room. I’ve long since apologized that my house is a mess and have adopted the rule that any object that is a primary color is NOT a mess but is a learning tool. Also during this time, the dogs have decided that this could have nothing whatsoever to do with them and must be a messenger sent to offer them smell-goods that they are ferociously taking in by sniffing every square inch of this man.

Finally we get to the offense. It would seem my dog decided to go to the elderly neighbors house and poop in her yard so she calls the police. SHE CALLED THE POLICE BECAUSE MY DOG POOPED! Now I in no way think that it is polite to let your animal poop on someone else’s property and had I known I would have cleaned it up. HAD I KNOWN I WOULD HAVE CLEANED IT UP.

In other words, my neighbor who I have never met in person since we moved in last fall, could have TOLD ME instead of sending a man with a bullet proof vest to my house to be interrogated by a half naked poop crack kid and a two year old flirty flirt diva while being nose molested by my dogs.

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