Monday, April 25, 2011

Wash It Down With Some Pepper Water

Let’s play “Make Believe.” We are going to make believe a mom is out to lunch with a friend of hers and has a significant number of her own children with her. In this make believe land the mother is half-heartedly paying attention to her children because she is very interested in the collaborative pondering of what her soon-to-be royal highness, Kate Middelton, will be wearing at her upcoming royal wedding.

In this land of make believe, mom notices that a child is playing with the salt & pepper shakers and vigorously shaking them into their water glass. 

“Stop shaking that. Do you think she will have a mermaid or something ruffly? I SAID stop shaking that.” The mother carries on in her dual-conversation that would make the untrained ear believe she has a personality disorder. 

Contemplation of serious matters, like veil length, carry on until one of the shaker-shaking child begins to carry on himself and bursts in to wails. A moment of alarm crosses the mother followed by several moments of embarrassment as other diners begin to stare. Then there is the time of confusion...what's the issue little dude? Mother then takes note: not only do they have salt, pepper and garlic seasoning at the table but they also have cayenne pepper. CAYENNE PEPPER!

I don't know that I have ever had cayenne pepper, but I would have to imagine that it is not something that be wonderful to sprinkle on my tongue.

In make believe, mother and friend are laughing to the point that they have their own tears as the child frantically attempts to wipe the burn off his tongue, drool begins to puddle on his chin. Now people are REALLY starring! 

Mother offers the child a sip of water. Unfortunately, in make believe land the child has already seasoned the water with pepper. Now he suffers from cayenne pepper and water pepper tongue. 

Let’s just say for the sake of conversation that this WAS me. Do you think this is why I didn’t get an invitation to Kate & Will’s big day?

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