Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Chunkaliciousness Preventerness

I think I would make a very good rich person. I have excellent taste and am constantly thinking of things I would like to have. I enjoy presents and making charitable donations. There is a long list of places I would be happy to travel to, and while there, I want to make sure to fully embrace the local culture by site-seeing, shopping and eating out. When I return home, I’ll maintain my rich-person physique by having my trainer and Yoga master visit me at my home gym.

Instead there are these ordinary things I have to pay for, like diapers and cable television. The reoccurring conversation regarding finances happens and Hubs asks “Don’t we know anyone rich?”

Does he mean Daddy Warbucks or The Trump? Sorry sweets, I lost their numbers when I got my new cell phone. Looks like we will have to find our own way to personal fortune.

There are so many times that I see an invention and wonder why didn’t I invent that?! So I am going to invent something. You ready for it, this is a good one…

The Sippy Cup Alert

There are few things that can make you feel like you are in the Un-Spectacular Parent category more than when your child hands you their sippy cup and says “This is not good.”

Try to hold back panic and suppress “ew” face as you look at the cup thinking, that cup has a yellow top. Your milk this morning had a RED top. I am sure it had a red top because I remember thinking what a spectacular parent I was for color coordinating your sippy cup with your shirt (this is taken from actual trying-to-be-spectacular parenting thoughts.)

 I distinctly remember it started the thought process going about how we could have a whole “red” themed day with sliced strawberries at breakfast, red jello for lunch dessert, discussions on fire trucks and fire safety. I am currently online looking up fire safety worksheets and crafts while you are handing me a cup with a YELLOW top. Yellow does equate with fire safety exercises.

I was going to be a spectacular parent today until you had to go and drink from the chunk-o-licious cup lurking somewhere under some furniture that is trying to sabotage my spectacularness. Hoping that it was only under there from last night or I am going to jump from un-spectacular to cruel and disgusting. I don’t remember, did we sing about yellow submarines yesterday or was it the day before? Crap.

I would like to think that I am not the only parent who has had the guilt stricken feeling of finding a cup that once held liquid and now contains something of mixed substance. Introduce the Sippy Cup Alert.

This handy dandy alert made of BPA, waterproof, lead-free, non-choking size can be applied (I don’t know how yet, those are details I am still working on) to any sippy cup. Once applied, a timer will begin, counting down two hours. If the timer is not reset, oh yeah I’ll make it a child proof button too, then an alarm will begin sounding.
Mom. I’m growing chunky. Mom. Mom. Chunky. Chunky. Moooom. It will grow louder and louder until reaching the annoyance level to capture your attention: MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM. MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM. CHUNNNNN-KKKKKKYYYYYY.

No more chunkaliciousness around here. As an added bonus, being that I am the inventor of this helpful parenting tool I will become very wealthy. This item will be sold exclusively through Amazon and infomercials.

I SUPPOSSE I could just practice responsible parenting and keep track of the cups but that is not going to earn me a cook, butler and personal trainer the way a Sippy Cup Alert will. BUT THAT’S NOT ALL!!!

For a limited time offer, when you purchase the Sippy Cup Alert you will also get a cow. FREE. Yes, why keep track of milk cups, when you can buy the Sippy Cup Alert and get the cow for free! Everyday your child can have chunk-free, organic, home squeezed utter-milk.

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