Happy Buck-Tooth-Ghost-Ferret Day

I am a major fan of holidays, of any holiday. When there isn’t a real holiday, I make them up. I’ve already confessed to throwing a birthday party for my dog. I celebrate “Wear Polka Dot” day, Dr. Suess Day, and Chocolate Ice-Cream Day. Being that there is an official, on the calendar and a section at Hallmark, holiday approaching you would think that I would be in the festive spirit. The truth of it is, the whole Easter holiday leaves me feeling a bit confused.

For starters, I need a “How to describe Easter for dummies.” I really don’t know what to tell my kids on the matter. They are so far from comprehending the concept of death that I really can’t delve into crucifixion and resurrection. I am opting out of this parenting teaching moment and if any questions shall arise (no pun intended) then I shall forward children to Papa. My parents went to Catholic school; the nuns should have taught them an appropriate answer to that one. On a side note, I realize I am writing this that this MAY be related to why no one has named me as a God-Parent, I realize that may be a wise decision.

Moving past the religious elements that have already left me feeling bewildered, I have no idea how Easter has anything to do with rabbits, or how rabbits have anything to do with jelly beans. I also have no idea how eggs have anything to do with Easter, rabbits, or jellybeans. This is a whole cluster.

My next issue is with the Easter Bunny. He is a little too similar to a mouse/squirrel/ferret of which I am already terrible afraid. Second, they have disproportionate ears and teeth. The better to hear you coming and chomp you to bits my dear.  Third, I had a pet rabbit as a child. I have a great deal of unresolved guilt about the death of the pet rabbit and fear that little ghost rabbits are going to come get me. I really don’t know how to explain how this buck tooth ghost ferret gets in the house to deliver the Easter basket. Does he come down the chimney? And if so, how did he get on the roof in the first place?

Christmas has got the whole shebang all worked out. I’ve avoided singing Petter Cottontail, coloring eggs, and engaging in other Easter-themed crafts for fear of stimulating a conversation. Easter is just going to show up one day and then it will be back to Monday. In the meantime, I am going to continue talking about Santa and his helper-birdies who are spying on us to determine if we have good listeners or bad listeners.